Practicing Christian

My journey to getting it right….

Here we go….

on January 1, 2012

So, I’ve started a new blog….

I wanted to do this as an electronic outreach for my church so we could re-spark the membership’s fire and zeal to more fully participate in the service and fellowship activities.  And I do believe it would be a good tool, but here’s the thing: I’ve never been fully comfortable in my Christianity.  I have a running joke whenever someone asks my religion that goes “I’m a practicing Christian–and one day I’ll get it right.”  That is about the stage of spiritual maturity I’m at–there’s so much I don’t know and don’t understand, but I’m expected to act as a leader for our children and teens.  How do I help guide their spiritual path when I can’t read my own road map?  Sure I had some moments of clarity with other pastors and through other members, but those touchstones have either moved on or passed on, and I don’t feel any more connected to church or God than I did before.  And I really want to.  I really want to do more than tally my to-do list during the sermon (or worse yet, nod off), I really want to be able to sing with heart and feeling and not be self-conscious because I can’t hit the notes, I really want to leave church on a Sunday refreshed and longing to come back, rather than counting the minutes until service is over.  Some of my contemporaries have found their answers in another church, some just stopped going altogether (only to resurface if someone needs marrying, baptizing or burying), and some just continue to go through the motions–like me.  I served as a Sunday School/VBS teacher, a liturgical dance group director, officer roles in various church organizations, but have always felt like I shouldn’t be there with my own doubts and confusions coloring my worship life.  But I long to connect with God in a way that will uplift me personally AND enhance any leadership role I take.

And thus, this blog.  Now I warn you, it won’t be pretty.  I’m probably going to hurt someone’s feeling with what I say.  I will work to keep these pages as clean as possible and not actively curse, but there will be controversy–though I will try very hard not to name names, some of my friends and acquaintances may see themselves in my posts.  I welcome the discussion, because I KNOW there is no perfection in me.  Not even in a 30 mile radius.  But I want to work on it.

So, I’ll keep practicing….

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